Boy's night out
by the Sayjin Kira
Summary: My attempt at humor. Could be a one shot or more if there is enough interest. Warnings are dirty humor, drinking, fluff, and impiled yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

**Boy's night out.**

**Warnings: drinking, and all the things that can go along with it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. **

Small men with half of their limbs being metal and alcohol don't mix very well.

This was something Roy Mustang and his loyal group found out the hard way.

**At the office**

"So Ed, we all figured we needed to celebrate you and Al being home and all. So how about McDavey's Pub after work tonight?" Havoc asked the shorter blonde around the ever present cigarette in his mouth.

Edward's lips twisted up in a wry smile. "So in other words, our home coming is an excuse to go out drinking."

"Pretty much." Havoc grinned wide, the cigarette amazingly holding its place on the lt.'s lower lip.

"Sounds good to me."

**At the Pub**

"Okay fellas!" Lt. Havoc crowed. "Tonight calls for a drinking game! You have to order the dirtiest sounding drinks you know and only have those for the rest of the night! And to start of the festivities I will have a screaming orgasm!"

"And this is the only way you can get one too that's not from your own right hand!"

"Shut up Breda!" Havoc pouted as the rest of the men at the table had a good laugh at his expense.

"All right then." Falman was the next to speak, "Give me a screw driver."

"Oh come on that's tame." Breda said with a snort. "Give me a red-headed slut."

"I'll have a one-balled dictator" Furey chimed in. The rest of the men at the table gave him a look and shuddered at the thought.

Ed didn't really known to many drinks, but one he had heard of stuck in his head and he couldn't get it out not matter how many times he told him self not to say it he found it slipping out when his turn came around.

"I'll have a flaming blue mustang!" He shouted a little too loudly. He cheeks almost instantly turning red as his comrades busts out laughing.

"I really don't think the colonel will go for that Ed, But well it is Mustang so I guess you could give it a shot." Breda said to the embarrassed alchemist, grinning from ear to ear.

Ed merely whined and slid lower in his seat. Al looked over at his brother in pity and decided to save his erstwhile brother once again and draw the teasing barbs his way. He really was a great brother, wasn't Ed just so lucky?

"I'll have a hairy virgin!" And with out missing a beat the rest of the crew, Edward included, chimed in.

"You are a hairy virgin!'

**Later that night**

Roy Mustang Entered McDavey's pub to find his crew already hammered out of their gourds.

"Guys I'm hurt, is it really necessary to get wasted to spend an evening with me?" His customary smirk betraying his mock indignation. That smirk faded quickly as his ears were assaulted by a very slurred shriek of "Colonel!" even though he was a General now. And before he knew it he had an arm full of drunken Full Metal.

"Colonel! I missssses ew sooooo muck!" and to emphasis his point FullMetal squeezed his commanding officers with all the strength in his limbs which was a considerable amount. The General found him self struggling for air and glanced around the table pleadingly but to no avail. The rest of his crew was to far gone to be of any help.

"Yer the best RoOy!" And apparently Ed didn't feel his hug was enough to get his admiration for his commanding officer across because he proceeded to wrap both legs around the man's waist and squeeze with those as well.

"Edward," Mustang began while trying to pry the blonde off, "Though I'm thrilled you have finally come to realize just how wonderful I am I would like to sit down and have a drink."

"Okay!" The diminutive alchemist shouted right in the other alchemist ear before letting go and almost falling on the floor, if it hadn't been for the quick reflexes of his commander.

Edward smiled up at Roy in utter adoration and absolute drunkenness. "See Roy, this is why you are the best!"

"Uh yes well, thanks." The older man replied and guided his drunken subordinate back over to the table were with a little negotiation he got him to sit in a chair next to him.

"I'm a redheaded slut!' Breda suddenly shouted out of no where, raising one finger in the air trying to signal some one over as he weaved back and forth in his chair.

"No you mean you want a red headed slut." Alphonse corrected him, a look of bliss on his face that can only be achieved through mass amounts of liquor.

"Yeah that too." The red headed and oblivious Lt. replied.

Roy nursed his beer and just shook his head in amusement. Furey had informed him, or at least tried too, that they were playing a drinking game. Though he had actually said "slutting a drinking game" but Mustang got the point.

"I want a flaming blue mustang!" Ed cried out, and Roy had a feeling this did not bode well for him. His prediction turned out to be accurate as he soon found himself with a lap full of cooing Full Metal.

The small blonde rubbed his face back and forth across Roy's chest like a kitten might. All the while cooing things like "Roy you're so great" and what suspiciously sounded like "Roy I love you."

Again the General tried to gain his freedom by prying the blonde off, but with little success. So instead he turned to the tactic of persuasion.

"Ed?" He spoke to him like one would a child and with as drunk as Full Metal was that was probably the mental capacity he had right now.

"Huh?" Was the reply as the blonde continued his imitation of a lap cat.

"If you get off my lap I will buy you a nice big piece of chocolate cake."

"YAY!" The blonde shouted and leapt form the Generals lap. He began chanting "Chocolate cake! Chocolate cake!" while bouncing form one foot to the other.

While his foe was distracted the General beat a hasty retreat to the counter to order the desired dessert food that was his unwitting savior.

He returned with the treat in hand to find an eager Edward watching him, bouncing up and down in his chair, his OWN chair like a little kid would.

"As promised chocolate cake!" Mustang plopped the treat down in front of Ed with a flourish, and took his own seat.

"Yippie!" The blonde crowed, and promptly placed himself back on his commanding officers lap to happily wolf down his chocolaty treat.

Mustang tapped Edward on the back, which only got him a grunt in response. "Um, Ed I though we agreed that if I got you chocolate cake you would get off of me."

"And I did." The petit blond got out between bites.

Mustang told him self if this ever happened again to remember to be very specific with Ed when he was drunk. The General reached around the alchemist in his lap to snag his beer and leaned back into his chair resigned to what fate, or stupidity he wasn't sure which, had dealt him that night.

A loud belch signaled the cake was finished, at which Edward turned around, looked his fellow alchemist in the eye and said, "I need a sloe comfortable screw."

The only response to this Mustang could manage was to spit the mouth full of beer he had out and all over the young man in his lap.

The blonde blinked dazedly at him a few times, and gave his human beer shower the most precious pout he had ever seen.

"No I said I wanted a sloe comfortable screw, not beer!" The diminutive blonde pouted even cuter if that was possible and crossed his arms over his chest reminding his captive audience of a three year old who hasn't gotten his way.

It was with a great amount of relief that Mustang realized what Ed was asking for was the name of a drink.

Before he could signal the waitress over, he was interrupted by a loud booming voice.

"Gentlemen, it is so wonderful to see you all here!" Alex Armstrong spread his arms wide in a grand gesture as he faced his former comrades.

"ARMSTRONG I WANNA HUG!" The blonde alchemist bolted from his seat on the Generals lap and took a flying leap at the hulking man.

"_Wow, Ed wants a hug from Armstrong? Now that is wasted!" _Roy thought to himself as he watched the scene unfold. Armstrong happily accepted the smaller blonde into his arms and squeezed him merrily, in response to which Ed proceeded to spew chocolate cake all over the front of the confused former Major.

Laughter erupted from the table of military men as Armstrong, looking confused, held Ed at arms length, the blonde's feet dangling off the floor.

Roy couldn't take it, it was just too much. He laughed so hard he fell out of his chair. "Guess you squeezed him to hard Alex!" The General managed to get out in between fits of laughter.

The Strong Arm alchemist still just stood there in shock as the blonde he was holding grinned happily.

"I guess that's a sign we should get Full Metal home." Mustang said as he pushed up off the floor. "Go get yourself cleaned up Alex and see to the rest of this lot, I'll take care of Full Metal."

Armstrong gingerly sat the grinning blonde down. Mustang had to place his hands on the smaller mans shoulders to keep him up right as the hulking form of the former major turned on his heels to head for the bathroom.

"Let's get you home Edward." Roy smiled down at his subordinate, who looked up and back at him with that adoring look in his eyes he had received earlier.

"Okay." Was the happy reply. Roy steered his drunken subordinate to bar where he had the bartender call a cab, then took him out in to the cool night air to wait.

The cab arrived and Mustang all but lifted Edward into it, before scooting in next to him. After directing the cabbie to his place the General leaned back into his seat to find him self being cuddled once again. Ed had wiggled under his left arm and wrapped his own mismatched limbs around the General's chest.

Ed was fast asleep by the time they made it to Mustang's place. It took some negotiating to get the sleeping blonde out of the cab. After tipping the cabby well, Mustang carried Ed up the steps of his town home. After a bit of a struggle to get his keys out of his pocket he managed to get the door open and both he and Ed inside, shutting the door again and locking it.

Roy looked down at the blonde sleeping in his arms, a sweet smile creeping across his face.

"_He really is beautiful." _Roy thought and carried the subject of his thoughts down the hall and to his own bedroom. Setting the sleeping blonde down carefully he walked around to the end of the bed and stripped off Ed's boots.

Roy sat down on the bed and worked the rest of Ed's attire off till he was clad only in his boxers. Taking a few moments to admire the smaller man's sculpted body; Roy then wiggled the covers from under said body and pulled them up and over the sleeping form of his subordinate.

He stopped at the doorway, turning around to look at the sleeping blonde once more before clicking off the light.

"Goodnight Edward, sleep well." He murmured not really intending to be heard. But obviously he was as he got a sleepy reply.

"'night Roy, love you."

"Yeah Ed, I love you too." Mustang quietly shut the door behind him as he made his way down the hall and too his couch to find his own rest that would not come.

**A/N This is just a little something that wouldn't leave me alone for the past few days. I'm workign on the next chapter of just won't do thanks for being patient guys and for all the reviews. **


	2. Boy's day in

**Boy's Night out!**

**Chapter 2:Boy's day in.**

**A/N:Okay folks this is my first time writing a sex scene so please be kind! And please review!**

**Warnings: Yaoi, angst I think that's it.**

Ed awoke with a splitting head ache. _"Why the hell does my head hurt so badly?"_ The young blonde thought to himself as he sat up in bed.

It only took him a moment to realize it wasn't his bed, or even his brother's. Squinting his eyes he looked around the richly furnished room. It was down in dark colors and rich expensive fabrics. There was an overstuffed brown leather chair in one corner near a bay window. The window also had luxuriously cushioned seating, and rich, thick, blue curtains. The whole room itself including the bed was done in chocolate browns and rich vibrant blues.

"Well at least if I did end up going home with some one, they have good taste. " The young alchemist said out loud. Not noticing the figure standing in the door way.

"Thank you." Roy said from the door way and watched in amusement as the blonde whipped his head around and then winced at the sudden movement.

"Whoa, take it easy. You had a lot to drink last night." Roy made his way over to the younger man and carefully laid him back into the pillows, then smoothed the blonde hair back.

Roy looked into the blonde's eyes when he let out a whimper. His lower lip was trembling and he looked pained.

"Ed, are you all right?" Roy didn't keep the worry and fear out of his voice. "Do you need to throw up?"

"N…no, did I…did we?"

The dark haired man looked down at his subordinate for a moment in confusion, before it hit him.

"No Ed, we didn't sleep together."

A mix of odd emotions crossed the younger man's face. Roy saw relief for sure and maybe, just maybe a little disappointment.

"Has that happened to you before?" And this time Roy was careful to school his emotions and not let the fear, worry and jealousy to show in his words.

"Yes, but only with some one I know, knew." That sad far away look Edward had far too often was in his eyes again. Roy hated that look. It always made Ed feel so far away, even if he was sitting right next to him.

"Was it some one from the other world?" Roy asked as he gently laid a hand on the younger man's upper arm from where he had sat himself on the bed.

"Yes, he was a friend." Edward said softly still looking off unfocused.

"He?" The dark haired alchemist inquired, one delicate black brow rising. This seemed to pull Edward back to reality, his amber eyes darted to Roy' black ones and focused. A dark blush was staining tanned cheeks.

"Yeah, He." Amber eyes drifted off again, as Ed seemed to tense up, barely even breathing.

"Were the two of you close?" Roy stroked Ed's arm gently, trying to comfort the younger man so he would continue. He had been dying to hear about Ed's life while he had been gone.

Still not looking at Roy the blonde alchemist's voice trembled a bit as he spoke. "I cared for him, and I know he cared for me too, more than I deserved, but I couldn't give him what he needed."

"What did he "need" from you?" Roy continued to stroke a very well defined arm.

"A lot, a lot I just couldn't give. I still needed to find a way home; I still need to get back to Al."

Not for the first time Roy envied the younger Elric. He was truly lucky to have such an utterly devoted brother.

"I always tried to be as honest as I could with him, I always tried to make sure he understood that I wouldn't always be around, that I had things I needed to do. But he…he…" here Edward trailed off, his eyes going glassy and opaque again.

Roy slid his hand up Edward's arm; past his flesh shoulder to cup the younger man's left cheek, Turing him to face him.

"He what Ed?" The General asked gently, still holding the young man by his face. Tears began to well up in amber eyes; they stayed suspended for a moment, threatening to burst forth.

Roy could see that Edward was struggling to keep his emotions in check. "_So typical of you, won't let any one else share your burdens." _The darker haired alchemist began to stoke the cheek under his palm with the back of his hand.

"Its okay baby just let it out."

The carefully built walls around Edward's heart collapsed. Tears gushed down his cheeks as he began to sob uncontrollably, lurching forward to cling desperately to the man in front of him.

"It's okay baby." Warm rough hands smoothed circles around a trembling back. "I'm here, just let it all out." Roy tucked Ed under his chin, and shifted the young man till he was seated in his lap.

Several long moments passed and Roy noted that Edward had clamed down. His lips twisted up in a smirk, it was probably not the right thing to say but he couldn't help himself. "You know usually, when I have a beautiful blonde on my lap, they aren't crying."

"Bastard. Wait, what? Did you call me beautiful? Funny that's what he used to call me too."

"This friend of yours? He was a smart man."

"He was a wonderful man, who I didn't deserve to be in the same room with."

"Now Edward," Roy lifted the blonde head from under his chin, holding it gently at the base in one hand as he smoothed wet bangs back from the young man's forehead. "What even makes you think that?"

"Because, he…he loved me, and I just couldn't love him back. Not the way he deserved. I wanted too, I tried too. But…I…"

"Ed, I'd like to think I've come to know you pretty well over these years, considering all I've had to put up with from you. And knowing you like I do, I KNOW you gave that man every ounce of love you possibly could with out even realizing it. He was LUCKY to know you Edward. Just like I am, just like all of us who know you are."

"You don't understand," Edward's voice was a strained whisper. "He died because of me."

Roy closed his eyes, a pained look coming over his face. "Edward, it is not your fault when someone dies just because you knew them."

"But he died because he helped me get home the first time! It was my fault!"

"Did you force him?"

"No, But..."

"So he helped willingly?"

"Yes but…"

"Did he know he would be in danger?"

"Yes." Edward closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on Roy's chest. He hands balled into the front of his commanding officers shirt.

"When you love someone Edward, you are willing to risk almost anything for them. But sometimes things get in the way, like duties and promises. And sometime we love more than one person equally and we have to make choices."

"Why do you care about me? I don't understand! I've never been anything but a pain in your ass, and yet you st…"

Roy cut Edward's rant off by gently placing his lips on the younger man's softer ones. He moved his fingers to let them tangle in golden locks and used that hold to tilt the younger alchemist's head to deepen the kiss.

After a long moment the dark haired general released the others lips and took in a long steadying breath. He stared down into the other's amber orbs. They were glazed over again but this time for a different reason.

They were thick with desire.

"There is just something about you Edward," Roy's hands began to roam the lithe frame still seated in his lap. "That draws people to you, and once they get to know you, they fall in love with you. And I should know, I think my heart has been held captive by you the longest."

The last was said as barely a whisper against the others lips, which had parted eagerly with a shaking breath. Roy took the opening and slid his tongue in to the warm cavity. The taste of alcohol still lingered, but Roy didn't mind.

He was already intoxicated.

Edward moaned and Roy felt the vibrations in his mouth. The sensation went down his torso and straight into his groin. One cold, and one warm arm wrapped around his neck, an eager flesh hand grasping in his hair.

He pressed forward until he was lying on top of Edward on the bed. The young man underneath him moaned again and shivers ran through him, he ground his hips down in appreciation and received a gasp this time.

Edward didn't disappoint and thrust his hips up in answer; Roy took that opportunity to slide his hands down and underneath to grasp the blonde's firm buttock in his hands. He used his hold to lead them into a slow bump and grind.

Edward gasped again, his long blond hair spilling over the pillows, as he arched his body up rocked.

It was the most beautiful thing Roy had ever seen.

Amber eyes open and locked on dark ones, a deep shaky breath and stopped the movement of his hips to lean up. Pressing his lips to the older man's ear he let his hot breath puff on it a few times.

"Roy, I want your clothes on the floor."

The dark haired alchemist pulled back to look in amber eyes again, and what he saw there made his blood boil.

Raw lust and maybe a hint of some deeper emotion.

But Roy didn't want to think about that now; all he wanted to think about was pleasing the man beneath him. He slid off the bed and stripped slowly, making a show of it. Edward began to wiggle enticingly under the covers, and then stopped, sliding his automail leg out and to the side. The boxers he had been wearing were dangling form a metal toe, and he allowed them to fall to the floor.

Roy undressed a little faster.

When he was naked he ripped the covers off his soon to be lover and pounced, bouncing both of them on the bed. Edward giggled in the most delicious way and Roy ran dancing fingers up his sides to coax more of the wonderful sound out of the young man.

"Roy! That tickles!" Edward squirmed, the movement rubbing his naked body against his tormentor.

All coherent thought left Roy. He tried his damnedest to devour the blonde beneath him. Licking, sucking and biting every inch of skin he could reach, while keeping as much of himself as he could pressed against the younger man's taunt frame.

Moans and heavy breathing filled the room. The air was hot and thick, sweat covered their body's making it easier to move against and with one another.

Edward loosened his grasp of the General's neck, letting his nails skate down the man's slick back and down the back of firm thighs.

"More Roy, give me more."

That was a request the General could not deny.

Tearing his lips from the younger man, he reached over to the night stand by his bed and fetched a bottle of lube out of the drawer.

He carefully lubed the fingers of one hand, making sure to coat them well, and then slid the hand down between their bodies. He circled the ring of muscle at Edward's entrance a few times before slowly pressing one finger in. Edward hissed and sucked in his breath, pain flashing across his face. It soon turned to a look of bliss as Roy wiggled the finger, and rubbed the pad over Edward's sweet spot.

The blonde gave out an appreciative moan to urge his lover on. Roy obliged and added the second finger, scissoring them to stretch the tight passage. The pain was barely acknowledged this time, as the smaller alchemist began to rock his hips, pushing down on to the digits inside him.

It was almost more than Roy could take.

With his other hand the dark haired General lubed his aching cock, withdrawing his fingers he grasped Edward's hips and slid him on to his thighs as he sat back on his calves.

Edward leaned up on his elbows to lock eyes with the General as he wrapped his mismatched legs around the man's waist.

Holding his lover's amber gaze, Roy pressed forward slowly, sinking in the tight passage an inch at a time till he was buried in heat.

"Roy."

Ed bowed his back, pulling off Roy most of the way, only to arch and impale himself fully again. They set a steady rhythm, gaining speed as they went. Roy gripped Ed's hip with bruising force. While Ed's hands, both flesh and automail, shredded the sheets underneath them.

Roy felt his stomach begin to coil, the pleasure building in steady waves. He slid one had up to grasp his lover's previously untouched member.

Ed bucked wildly at the contact. "Oh, Roy…soooo…cloooose."

Roy sped up his movements, angling his hips and thrusting harder. Edward arched and flung both hands back to grip the head board, holding himself completely off the mattress.

Roy concentrated on keeping the rhythm, but it was becoming difficult as Ed tightened his hold off him. The blonde's wailing accentuated by the steady thump of the headboard against the wall.

"Ah, Roy, ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ed screamed as his orgasm ripped through him. His whole body went taught, his automail fist splintering the headboard as his seed spilled over his stomach.

Roy moaned loudly as his blonde lover's body clamped down around him, drawing forth his own completion. He pulled Ed's hips tightly to him as the younger man went limp and dropped back to the mattress, thrusting a few finely times and riding out he waves of pleasure.

After catching his breath Roy pulled out and collapsed to the side of his blonde lover, and pulled the smaller frame against his own.

Edward snuggled into him, burying his face in the crook of Roy's neck. Taking ina deep breath the smaller alchemist then let out a contented sigh. With in moments he was asleep.

Roy smiled, and smoothed his hand over messy golden hair.

"_I always wondered what that mop would look like post-coital." _He thought as he looked over the man sleeping in his arms.

"_Not how I thought that conversation was going to turn out." _With a yawn and stretch Roy pushed any other thought from his mind and submitted sleep.

A/N I forgot to mention last time that a "flaming blue mustang" was taken from another author. So yeah, they get credit just wish I remembered who they were.


End file.
